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This is a re-post from October 2011, but I thought I would put it out there for Father’s Day.

When he was alive, he let me know I belonged. He let me know, really know, that I was loved. He understood me in a way that only the person you are most like in the world can. He encouraged me to find my dreams and live them. He did that for other people I love too. He taught me how to laugh, and how important that is. He taught me how to cry, and how important that is. He taught me to be still and listen. He taught me to care and not just to act like it. He taught me to be honest, especially with myself.

I think of him when I hear a tale that moves me to tears. I think of him when I laugh so hard I cry. I think of him in the quiet moments of the morning when stillness abounds. His love for me is so deeply embedded that I can feel it still. I think of him when I reach for new goals and plan new adventures. I especially think of him when I try to encourage others to do the same. I think of him when I take a moment to appreciate how often being honest with myself, and then with those I care about, has brought love closer to me.

When he was alive, he made me feel alone. He disallowed the emotions of those that wanted peace. He shattered my well-being in the way only the person you are most like in the world can. He undermined the tiny successes on the road to living my dreams. He did that to the people I love too. He throttled any exuberance in which he wasn’t the engineer. He taught me how to cry alone, and how important it can be to wait until you’re alone. He taught me to obey his wish for me to be silent and not think. He taught me to act like I didn’t care. He taught me how difficult it is to be honest, especially with myself.

I think of him when I see children not allowed to be children. I think of him when I see people threatened by the success of others. I think of him when life introduces chaos and stunts the emotions of those in its grip. My fear of his destructive understanding is so embedded that I can feel it still. I think of him when I reach for new goals and plan new adventures. I especially think of him when I encourage others to do the same. I think of him when I take a moment to really be honest with myself and those I care about. Oh, how often that has let me know that I am loved.

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